Much like all good things, they soon come to end. Even in a metaphorical sense. Nothing last forever, no matter how hard you wish or imagine it, you cannot alter what is before you, only your perception of it. With each passing summer things began to change at a more rapid pace. We grew up, and we grew out. We were no longer children. Our stories became something more than just foot races, and freeze tag under soft street lights. As time came upon me, things I began to know became unknown and new lights showed me things neglected by my innocence. With passing season the amount of cousins and friends that were once in abundance, has now lessened. Those who remained lost interest in climbing trees, and the kickball games. Everything was different. Even the sun shining through the branches of the season's foliage didn't have same impact on me. The only time I my feet would touch the dirt beneath would be while I was alone, in an attempt to reconnect with the earth that nurtured me into the free spirit that reigned over the wilderness.
With such change being created around me, I felt the pressure to adapt. The topics our conversations had changed to Pokemon cards and “yo momma” jokes, to girl parts and the actions which occurred in the presence of such. I would always listen, with speaking during those conversations. Not because I lacked interest, but because I lacked experience. Much like the other members of the conversation, but from their dialogue you would never be able to tell. I remember one conversation vividly. My brothers, two cousins , and myself spend the better part of the evening at the local library. This of course being during a time where internet in your home was a for the rich. We spent our time on the computers research various things of interest. For me it was cheat codes for video games. Apparently I was the only person not informed that we had come to this establishment with a mission in mind. As I gathered my things to leave I noticed that I had been alone for majority of the time we spent in the library. As we arrived back at home everyone compiled outside of my grandmother's house. I ran up to the huddle gushing with new discoveries I found while researching, to join a conversation already in progress. I approached quietly to find a good space to shoe in. “It dont really look like that.... does it?” sounded my youngest brother. “Naw, that's just the way it looks in the book, so they show you all the parts.” my cousin answered. I had walked in on a elementary sexual education seminar, with lessons being brought to us by a poorly chosen library book. I digressed.
It just seemed that it was happening to fast. I knew that this was a part of growing up, and it was nature's way of showing us we were maturing, but why so soon? Or maybe my nature was a little slow to point. Either way, I just wasn't ready or to eager to face those things. I still just wanted to wake up to the sun on my skin, not knowing what the day had in store for me but not worrying about it either, because I had time to figure it out. Nativity at its finest. In the back of my mind I felt it was a compromise. If I gave in and crossed that threshold, I could never look back, I would have to be come carnal, and become consumed by thoughts and pursuit of this unknown thing that is only lusted after. I even pondered that it would change how I saw my childhood friends. Would they still be my best friends, or would that become something else because of an acknowledged body part. I wanted to remain in a place where the only thing that separated us was how we used the bathroom. I wanted to remain free.